passionate peace Archives • Tammy Hicks Jackson

Have you noticed that goals are easier to set than achieve…that commitments are easier to make than keep?

Many times we make decisions when we are in a state of inactivity. We STOP to plan. We plan our day while we are relaxing the evening before. We establish long term goals at a retreat when we are settled and away from the usual hustle and bustle. Stillness—at least of our heart—is the best way and time to make decisions, but that doesn’t mean we will make perfect decisions.

Other times, we make a unthoughtful decision. That’s not a reference to your cognitive abilities. I just mean that we answer without pausing to think about what it really means. Someone calls and asks us to be part of a project. The unanticipated text presents an opportunity and our things immediately respond affirmatively.

In both circumstances, we fail to accurately assess the energy the new project will require when added to our lives.

Then there are times when the unknowable happens. Flu season descends upon your world with vengeance. A natural disaster (fire or flood) or lifestyle disaster occurs (loss of job or relationship) occurs. We are caught off guard, and because it was unknowable, we are not prepared for the chaos it brings to our lives.

These are the times that test our commitments, especially those made unthoughtfully and even those made in stillness. How we face these times will tell us how we are doing Pursuing Passionate Peace.

My Commitment Testing Season

I’ve been in a season of those myself. I launched my spiritual health and wellness coaching thoughtfully, with a reasonable plan for activity (posting schedule for the blog, engagement in the Facebook group and Instagram, appropriate number of appointments I could keep monthly). I’ve been experiencing both an emotional and a physical challenge.

One of my own Purposeful Planning goals revealed unresolved issues in my life. In order to practice what I teach, I knew that I could not push the issues back down and move on. When an unconscious issues emerges, we need to trust the timing. The Holy Spirit raises an issue for us only when we are able to address it and when we stand at a point in our life where it is a key to our future.

Then it became to address some physical pain, which turns out to be more complicated than expected. The reason I couldn’t diagnose myself—other than not having a medical degree—is because there’s more than one issue. The unexpected part turns out to be, literally, a pain in the neck. The medication seems to be helping part of the issue but bringing some side effects that must be dealt with.

Tests Bring Choices

I had choices to make. I could stuff the emotional issues back down and move forward as though nothing was wrong. Let the nightmares continue. No one sees when you come apart—with panic or tears—in private. I would still look fine. And physically, I could push forward, sacrificing sleep, rushing through tasks. I could forego commitments made to things that maintain my peace and about which I am passionate.

In other words, I could PRETEND to be fine, to be in a state of Passionate Peace. OR I could do the world to REALLY be passionately peaceful.

You can pretend to be fine, to be in a state of Passionate Peace OR you can choose to REALLY be passionately peaceful. Share on X

Awareness dawned that I was slipping into old patterns—of performing, of pleasing, which also means pretending. That’s now who I am, that’s not why I’m here, and that’s not the way I’m choosing to show up in the world and live my purpose.

This is the crucial moment for each of us. How will we choose to show up when choose invades our plans?

Here are three tips from my experiences for remaining passionately peaceful.

Tip 1: Choose authenticity over appearance.

Do you have any idea how much damage you do to yourself when you lie about who you are to the world? No? I didn’t until I quit doing it. It creates loneliness and separation because no one really knows you. Your self esteem is chipped away because we all have a need to be seen and known, and loved for who that person is. It creates anger and bitterness at the people who like or love you because they don’t really know YOU. You begin to resent them for not seeing the real you, even though you are the one preventing them from doing so.

Tip 2: Determine your priorities.

Even when the storms of life are swirling, you can stop and regroup. The eye of the storm brings a temporary calm.

The truth is that a storm may mean you have to alter your priorities. Maybe the new goal you set must be delayed. If your spouse has a heart attack, you may be more needed at the hospital than pursuing your sales goal. When you lose your wallet, the best choices doesn’t seem to be going on the gym because you said you would.
At the same time, you must not let the world determine your course in life. Stop. Push the pause button. Take a few deep breaths and be intentional about the choice.
What matters most in the moment? Where is your focus, attention and energy most needed?

Tip 3: Seek support.

A second opinion can be awesome! Hearing yourself say something out loud helps you process.

If you are a person of faith, ask God. Once you’ve listened to your own heart, listen for the heart of God. This will either confirm or disturb what you heard in yourself.
But it can also be helpful to ask another person. Make it someone you trust, someone who will not interject their own judgment but will gently help you listen to your best self.

When we fail to take these steps, we cling to decisions that need to be changed or postponed and we abandon decisions that should have been kept. These three simple tips can help you faithfully live your commitments—not so you don’t let others down but for yourself! Keep pursuing your passionate peace, even when the unexpected occurs.

Choosing authenticity, determining priorities, and seeking support keep us from abandoning good commitments or clinging to bad ones. Share on X

Share your commitment tests. Leave a comment or drop me an email tammy@tammyhicksjackson.com.

Five steps to balance pursuing passion and pursuing peace.

Transparency is important in this journey. We must learn to be transparent with ourselves and with one another. Deluding ourselves and pretending with others helps no one. Today is my day to be transparent with you. So here goes.

This week is kicking my butt.

There, I said it.

This is a busy week. I’ve had commitments out of the house every evening. The days have been full of good work and important tasks, but also of things that require focus, attention, and which can exhaust you mentally. Additionally, we are in the middle of our Purposeful Planning Party on the Pursuing Passionate Peace Facebook group. I’ve been providing some members of that group help outside of the party, and I’ve had coaching client appointments as well.

In the wee hours of yesterday morning, before the alarm went off, I awoke feeling anxious and stressed. My Purposeful Planning Party schedule was taunting me like a schoolyard bully. I had planned to move into Chapter 3 of Purpose Planning last Saturday, and I still had not done so.

And that’s when it hit me! TIME TO PRACTICE WHAT I AM TEACHING.

I am passionate about my work–at my day job, with my coaching clients, with those in my groups, and with all of you who interact with me here through the blog. I am passionate about helping all of you set goals you will keep and keep the goals that you set (Purposeful Planning Party). I am passionate about helping you discover who you are, why you are here, and how you can live that out. Pursuing Passionate Peace is about doing those things you are passionate about.

However, Pursuing Passionate Peace is also about not losing your peace. There’s a balance between the pursuit of passion and the pursuit of peace. Pursuing peace means we are actively going after it and intentionally guarding keeping it. This does not describe me this week. I am out of balance.

Pursuing passionate peace is about doing those things about which you are passionate, but also not losing your peace while you do. Share on X

Developing Wisdom in This Area

Part of developing wisdom is cultivating recognition. We learn to listen to both our bodies and our souls. Growth in the pursuit of passionate peace means realizing quickly when we are out of balance, and taking immediate steps to correct the situation.

Steps to Regaining Equilibrium

So here are the five steps I implemented to correct the situation, and that you can use when you find yourself here.

1. Move forward at a reasonable pace. Just because you’ve made a schedule doesn’t mean you must keep it. Schedules and plans serve us; we do not serve them! They are tools, not task masters. It might be helpful to think of your schedule as a draft. When circumstances require, adjust it.

Schedules and plans serve us; we do not serve them! They are tools, not taskmasters. Share on X

2. Remember rest is important. I am going to get enough sleep. Not getting enough sleep will inhibit ability to focus and function. Lowered ability to function further reduces productivity. Sacrificing sleep for accomplishing tasks is not effective. With sleep, I can approach things at my best, with focus and determination.

3. Take time to plan. Each morning, I take five minutes to prioritize my day. The three most important tasks are pushed to the top of the list, but I make sure all the tasks are recorded so they are not forgotten. By doing this, I don’t have to remember all the things which must be done (either now or eventually), but I can commit energy where it is most needed and can be most effective.

Just five minutes to plan the day allows you to commit energy when it is most needed and can be most effective. Share on X

4. Don’t forget to breathe. When I feel anxious, I pause, close my eyes, and breath. Three to five slow deep breaths can work wonders in lowering stress and anxiety in the moment. I usually pair the breathing with a prayer. This week mine I am using: [on the inhale] Come, Holy Spirit, [on the exhale] Lead me in Truth.

5. Debrief when it is over. When the busy-ness is over, I will spend a few moments reflecting on this period of time. Did I over commit? How did I let everything get stacked up like that? What could I have done differently? This is called debriefing, and it is how we learn, and grow, and not make the same mistakes over and over.

Remember:

Your Best is Enough!

No one can expect more from you than your best. If they do, it is THEIR issue and not yours. Stop trying to be THEIR version of you. You will be happier being yours anyway.

People Matter Most!

Too often, we let things become more important than people. Schedules, deadlines, expectations, rules . . . They do not matter more than you, and if you are surrounded by people who think they do, surround yourself with different people! Don’t ever be afraid to change schedules, deadlines, expectations and rules when it is in the best interest of people . . . especially when that person is YOU!

If you are surrounded by people who think schedules, deadlines, expectations and rules matter more than people, surround yourself with different people. Share on X